NO CATS

My mother has a close relationship with e-mail. She LOVES IT. If e-mail were a plant, she'd build a greenhouse around it and charge admission.

Take for example- this gem I got last year before Christmas (10 days prior) with no context and no previous conversations around it. I want to build a fun house around it and charge for admission. its. that. funny. Please to enjoy:

A few key things:

1. We NEVER had a conversation about Yo Yo Mah, nor his greatest hits. I even checked with the family and, nope, this is the first we have heard of it.
2. CATS????
3. When in the history of time has "straight forward. sounds like a rain stick" been something to describe a wind chime? I maintain that, "sounds like a rain stick" is not "straight forward" in this context. 
4. "PLEaSE". I mean, really?? Caps lock and my mom have a not so secret long-term affair - it began while I was in college, the very same day she met color changing formatting. 
5. She signed it twice.

I LOVE this mail. I keep it flagged for rainy days. I forward it to my sister periodically. it. is. awesome.

Yesterday my mom added to my catalogue of joy with this gem:

 Please note the following:

1. This was in reply to a thank you note I sent.
2. My mom is an English major, former legal secretary, regular corrector of grammar and editor of all things written. 
3. This was too early for the wine to be talking. 

Don't get me wrong, my mom is awesome - generous, kind, charitable, a great cook-  all good things. Its just that informal communication is not exactly her wheelhouse -  or maybe, its where she just really gets to shine in all her caps lock, non sequitur glory.