They made the mistake of giving me admin rights...

I fancy myself a funny girl. I like the interwebs for that reason. Sure, most of the time I am sending my tweets into the void, and most likely not all my Facebook posts are gems, but hey internet, I showed up today. You're welcome!

This brings me to today. I recently offered to "pitch in" on my company's social media efforts and craft new collateral. They. Were. Thrilled. "Wow, thanks for taking initiative."
Allow me to illustrate what happens when you place me in charge of such things:

Company twitter today;
 "Overheard at the office; "The internet is not 100% Keyboard Cat & its more Wikipedia than Encarta 97. Its SOCIAL, not static." #SocialMedia"

(Guess who said that you guys? also, guess who posted it. Yours. Freaking. Truly.)

Also, there is the collateral:
Heading on a slide: "Let's get social"
Another heading, "Let's give them something to talk about"
Slide title of our new Deck, "Are you there Social? Its me, Traffic"
Slide title of our new Deck, "Ready, Set, DEPLOY

And also the blog posts: 
"Not to toot our own horn, (Beep! Beep!)"
"Yes. You heard me correctly"

So, yes. I hope my writing style really resonates with the interwebs, and also with our CEO who is the reviewer/recipient of all these gems. The scary thing is, the more time passes, the more bold I get with my weird little slant on things. 

Runs, Bakes, Blogs!: If you are going to have Raisin Bran for dinner......

Runs, Bakes, Blogs!: If you are going to have Raisin Bran for dinner......: I recommend sticking with white wine. Red is just too heavy. Actually, I think this rule holds true for almost all cereal, but I'll have to ...

Social or Socially AWKWARD?

Dear friends,

Congratulations on being awesome. And you are - awesome that is. But here's the thing: you are also an uncomfortable blip in my Facebook and/or twitter feed. Here's why:

1. I don't care how far you ran today. I mean, I DO care about your hobbies, I just don't need you to check in at the gym, and have your fancy Nike sync device tell me how fast/far you ran and then hear an update on how your ankles hurt. Every. Single. Day.

2. I am NOT friends with your fetus. I am also not your OBGYN. I don't need to see your pregnancy tracking app. And also, for all the mystery and beauty that is creating a life, fetuses look creepy. They just do. Please take down that ultrasound profile picture- preferably BEFORE I un-friend you. (also, I suspect you may have gotten pregnant just for the Facebook "likes")

3. Its 9 pm on a Friday night and I know what you are doing. Playing Farmville or any other series of annoying games that invade my timeline faster than I can block them (I have a windows phone, it makes it hard to block them). Stop broadcasting your sad internet issues. And also, you were invited to this party. and you chose to have a "me" party at home instead. Poor (very public) choice.

4. I am glad you love your significant other. I am also glad that you miss them when they are away at the office/on a trip/ at the store/in the other room. I get it, you are public about your affection. but this is PDA all over again, and I just want to shout "HAND CHECK" (as I do at the drive in movies). I'm not saying stop saying sweet things to each other- I'd just rather your irritating love fests happened over some sort of device that could send private messages over the internet, or phone waves... oh, wait....

5. Its great that you love life, but your inspirational quotes only inspire irritation. Also, lets not talk about how philosophical you are when you spend your time alternating between taking photos of yourself at arms length, and quoting the bible. You live in a glass house, by choice, so stop throwing your preachy stones.

This advice is on me- you are welcome!

With Annoyance,
Rachel

Are you there Internet? Its me, Rachel.

I need to burn (at least some of my) my personal life calories where my professional life is - in the social media arena.

I work in social media. This sounds, by all accounts like I am a self employed 20 something - however I am an actual professional. I spend 40+ hours a week digging into data, providing engagement recommendations, and basically being mayor of the internet (just kidding). But seriously, people pay me for this stuff, and sometimes, my friends even comment on my Facebook timeline.

Thanks for visiting my corner of the internet -  it will get more interesting over here soon!