Social or Socially AWKWARD?

Dear friends,

Congratulations on being awesome. And you are - awesome that is. But here's the thing: you are also an uncomfortable blip in my Facebook and/or twitter feed. Here's why:

1. I don't care how far you ran today. I mean, I DO care about your hobbies, I just don't need you to check in at the gym, and have your fancy Nike sync device tell me how fast/far you ran and then hear an update on how your ankles hurt. Every. Single. Day.

2. I am NOT friends with your fetus. I am also not your OBGYN. I don't need to see your pregnancy tracking app. And also, for all the mystery and beauty that is creating a life, fetuses look creepy. They just do. Please take down that ultrasound profile picture- preferably BEFORE I un-friend you. (also, I suspect you may have gotten pregnant just for the Facebook "likes")

3. Its 9 pm on a Friday night and I know what you are doing. Playing Farmville or any other series of annoying games that invade my timeline faster than I can block them (I have a windows phone, it makes it hard to block them). Stop broadcasting your sad internet issues. And also, you were invited to this party. and you chose to have a "me" party at home instead. Poor (very public) choice.

4. I am glad you love your significant other. I am also glad that you miss them when they are away at the office/on a trip/ at the store/in the other room. I get it, you are public about your affection. but this is PDA all over again, and I just want to shout "HAND CHECK" (as I do at the drive in movies). I'm not saying stop saying sweet things to each other- I'd just rather your irritating love fests happened over some sort of device that could send private messages over the internet, or phone waves... oh, wait....

5. Its great that you love life, but your inspirational quotes only inspire irritation. Also, lets not talk about how philosophical you are when you spend your time alternating between taking photos of yourself at arms length, and quoting the bible. You live in a glass house, by choice, so stop throwing your preachy stones.

This advice is on me- you are welcome!

With Annoyance,
Rachel